Autumn weaves a magical spell
As we say goodbye to summer and emerge into the beautiful Autumn air I have caught myself over the last few days in awe of what has been and where we find ourselves today on both an individual level and as a collective. Autumn for me has always been the most glorious of changes in season, a time to shed old thoughts, feelings and outdated systems and to allow ourselves the opportunity of rebirth and solidifying the path we embark upon in time to sow the seeds in Spring.
However the last twelve months has for many of us been an almost constant process of shedding and working through our thoughts and feelings. Of leaning into vulnerability and reconciling our own ideas on life, death, social order, what it means to be free and moments around preservation of self our communities during this pandemic. Being in lock down for so much of last year allowed me time to really consider what is important and what merely serves as as a creature comfort. I myself have struggled with staying connected to self, to trusting in my higher self and of this path, self doubt no longer a tiny niggle that I could nip in the bid as I saw it crop up - it was now a constant horn reverberating through my head unable to be ignored or extinguished. In moments of reflection it was hard to see the now as I gripped onto thoughts of the future and what it may look like, how the pandemic would change those around me, what kind of a world were we coming into, how would society be impacted and where would we be when all the cards had been played and we were sitting with no more moves to be made? Would we be able to make it through to the same lives of old if we were able to navigate through this or would this be a whole new era of uncertainty and volatility?
With the old brain box humming at a steady 98% capacity day in day out and when work was no longer a distraction but had become a place to escape, what chance did I have of sitting with my thoughts and writing, of taking time to channel, of meditating and connecting to my higher self.....?
It was at this point that I realised that not only was I playing a great big game of avoidance with self but that I was allowing the fear of the unknown to dictate the present moment and in doing so was disempowering myself by practicing self sabotage. When we allow the thoughts and fears to swirl and gain momentum in our minds it is very easy to fall into a spiral that can lead to disengagement from self, from source and from the collective. At times we need to cut ourselves some slack, we are still in our human meat suits trying to make it though our day to day lives as best we can and we are going to have moments where the humanity in us is tested and our resilience pushed to the limits. But there also comes a point when you need to recognise the signs in yourself and call yourself out on the bullshit. To take a step back, step outside the box and look at the situation as a whole, pull yourself apart and get back on track and in alignment.
The whole idea that there will be someone there to catch you or to pull you up when you have these moments is not the reality we are faced with. Yes its wonderful if you have a tribe that can call you out on your bullshit, having relationships that offer support and also brutal honesty when required is also a blessing. But as an individual forging your way through the awakening process you need to hold yourself accountable to your actions and be able to set the tone and the agenda for your own course. In their own way these moments of accountability and a call to action are like mini autumns that we encounter throughout all seasons of the year. A time to be honest with self, to pull down the walls, to assess what is working and what needs to be changed or recalibrated.
Too often I have read articles or posts and heard on podcasts how the awakening process was a brutal moment but then came the rebirth and it was that one moment and then enlightenment was reached and everything was butterflies and rainbows as they meditated and connected to source.
The awakening process is exactly as it states - its a fucking process - for mine I want to continually be breaking down the walls and the norms, I want to be pushing myself to resolve generational trauma, I want to be helping those around me do the same and not shying away from my purpose in this lifetime. I want to be continually improving resolve, being a conduit to allow others to heal and the only way I know to do this is to be having these moments of coming through the other side of what feels like a heavy shit storm and seeing that path a little clearer.
The last twelve months for a lot of us has been a very real shit storm but the one thing I have seen not only on my individual level but in the collective is the resilience that has been strengthened and the ways in which we are now more focused than ever to allow ourselves the chance to grow, to stay connected to our higher selves, to push past comfort and to leap into our calling to help those around us gain a little more clarity, a little more of themselves and to allow us all to move forward in a space of love and hope.
So yeah, autumn is magic......
......but we are all capable of that autumn magic every damn day of the year.