Connection vs Attachment - Releasing the ties that bind
Last week saw me say goodbye to the year that was and the beginning of my 35th year doing this thing we call life. The previous twelve months have seen me step into the power of owning who I am and learning to not compromise when it comes to honoring my worth, honoring my truth and living in a space of open heart and open mind. There were moments that tested me and moments that blew my mind in ways I had not imagined possible, one of which gave rise to pure clarity that revealed itself to me during some deep soul searching and clearing.
Along this continual learning process that is my awakening I am forever reminded of living in a space of love and being open to all connections that come my way with no pretense or expectation. To allow each individual bond to form within its own time and flow by allowing it a freedom to just be. In my experience when we form new friendships, new relationships or feel a change in existing connections we can become fixated on the validation that we get from that individual. This fixation is rooted in attachment, an attachment to what that person and that relationship brings you and it looses the beautiful flow that should exist when we just allow connection to be. We become transfixed on being fulfilled by by this outside source and loose sight of the fact that we create joy and happiness for ourselves and that the people that come into our lives are their to share this joy - they are not there to create it for you. I think it is for this reason that I have struggled most of my life to buy into the "you complete me" tagline that comes with relationships. What resonates for me is that we as individuals have all that we need within ourselves we are already whole and we do not need outside forces to validate and 'complete' us. By heading into any type of connection with the notion of that person being able to validate or make you whole leads to you giving up your power and your self worth and aligns your thinking with lack mentality.
A couple of months ago I was compelled to write and what came to me in this moment has stuck with me so I want to share it here because to me it makes so much sense that it needs to be out for whoever may happen upon it.
Attachment is manufactured it needs constant reassurance and to be satiated with external validation.
Connection is divine, it is source energy and flows with little to no effort or thought from the physical self. It doesn't need to be fed by ego because it is a pure cosmic force being shared between individuals.
It just is.
If you stop and think about the relationships in your life at this very moment and make note of which moments you are happiest and true to who you are and what you value, there is little doubt in my mind the ones that people who give you the feels are those where the relationships flow, that you don't feel a need to cling or fixate on. They are the connections that bring a smile to your lips, that fill your heart with joy and allow a playfulness that sparks warmth and contentedness. For me I know when I have allowed the flow to take over and to just be within a connection and relationship when the sight of the other person with a smile on their face is enough to spark joy. Knowing that I have been able to in some small way bring a moment of laughter, a knowing look, a warm embrace - these are all signs to me that the natural flow of an open heart is what is driving the connection and that I am allowing it the space and freedom without expectation or a need to decipher every little nuance. When you are able to just be in that moment truly and fully without trying to project forward and work out what the future will bring, where you can fully immerse yourself within that connection - that is where the magic lies. In the past I have struggled with this and it has been one of the biggest learning curves for me in releasing control to allow myself to be free in the moment without over analyzing and over thinking and appreciate the time and space I hold. Fully immerse yourself in the connections that help fuel your passions, that fuel a desire to move forward and dream big, that offer mutual support, laughter and joy.
Because in the end its these people and these bonds that allow you to live your authentic life in the most beautiful and wholehearted of ways.