Control & The Lack Mentality
Control. Its something that many of us struggle with across all aspects of our day to day life. Be it at work, at home, within relationships and the day to day organizing of our lives we all require a certain amount of control to be able to feel comfortable in the situations that we find ourselves in.
It is a human need, a yearning, that compels us to act upon situations to dispel the unknown whereby we allay the fear by gripping tightly onto people and things. But as we grip we stifle, as we stifle we suffocate and the flow of energy that should come easily and naturally becomes heavy and labored.
I struggled with this for most of my life and it wasn't until the awakening process started to take place that I became acutely aware of what what it was that I was doing. But by delving into my own blockages, mindsets and focusing on my own shadow work I was able to see that it all stems from a place of lack. Lack of self worth, lack of boundaries, lack of integrity and a lack of self love. It is only in this space where the need to control finds a safe little nesting place where it can rear its head during times of upheaval, stress and doubt. When we fear the loss of something, be it a relationship, work place interactions, social hierarchy or family dynamics we can be compelled to grip onto that which we know and that which we feel brings us a sense of worth and place in this world. We white knuckle our way through these moments and grip so tight so as to not have to push past comfortable and find time to sit with these emotions, to then understand why we are acting the way we are and what it is about this situation that is triggering this reaction within us.
For me the biggest trigger has been a lack of worth and a need to help and offer assistance at the drop of a hat regardless of where my head or heart is at. This need to place everyone else's comfort, feelings, emotions and well-being ahead of my own has lead me into many a situation where I have not been true to myself and been left feeling like a shell of myself, but I felt that this was somehow okay because I was being 'useful' to those on the other side who I was helping. Through writing, mediation and some really brutal down moments of being a hermit and trying to navigate and work through the blockages I have been able to see that these moments within my connections allow a space for growth and a place for me to be able to own my worth. I would grip tight onto friendships and relationships even when I could see that they were not serving me by trying to control each and every aspect of the situation and recount play by play moments of how situations went down to analyse and see where I could 'improve' next time. Now of course I realise that this is all horse shit. We get so wrapped up in trying to please people for fear of loosing them that we miss the enjoyment that comes from allowing things to just flow. I know that allowing the natural order of things to come to pass can be difficult, we are hardwired to want to know every little detail and outcome of situations before we have even experienced the moment at hand, but the freedom that comes with honoring your worth, your time and your energy and stepping away from this lack mentality is pure magic.
There are still times where I find myself slipping into this old mindset and allowing situations and people to create the knot in my stomach - but its within this triggering that I am able to take a step back from the situation to take stock of what is happening. Why is it triggering? What is about this person or this interaction that is making me feel this way? What is it mirroring? When we are able to look at it objectively and allow a moment of clarity and truth, a moment to feel through the uncomfortable nakedness of emotions laid bare we can start to understand what it is in ourselves that we need to clear. The fact that you are able to recognize this in itself is a step in the right direction where you are not compelled to repeat the cycles and the lessons, but where you can see what is happening and have a moment to acknowledge the unease and then release what ties it to you.
Last night during my meditation and automatic writing I had a beautiful moment of clarity where a mantra came to me to help me clear some energy that I was feeling and its what compelled to write this tonight.
"I release fear from heart, I release fear of love, I release fear of loss".
For me it has allowed a reconnect to a place of self, where I recommit to honoring myself and my worth above all else. By placing boundaries on what you will and will not accept this allows your integrity and self love to prosper and in this space the need to control becomes redundant. There is no need to grip tight to situations because all that is in alignment will naturally come to you in a beautiful cosmic flow. Let go of the notion that control is king and let go of your vice like grip.
Everything that is meant for you should flow with a natural ease and should create a space for creativity, passion, respect and honesty.
Set the standards by which others need to live up to. This starts with you owning your power, being your own biggest cheerleader and honoring your integrity and worth. Those that matter will have no trouble in meeting that which you set, the people and situations that don't....why would you want to keep a grip on them anyway?