Cultivating Connections For Your Highest Good
Humans by our very nature are hard wired to form connections. It is how we have survived as long as we have by forming packs, by creating support networks and by forging relationships of all kinds. But they also offer us a source of validation, approval, comfort and help to fulfil our needs and to help reaffirm our own beliefs, ideals and morals.
One thing that this awakening process has brought about for me is a clarity on the types of connections that I want in my life and those that no longer serve me. When we find ourselves honouring our worth and valuing our time and energy we start to reflect on the connections that we have and how they sit within the context of our current state. As I began to dig a little deeper I realised that there were relationships in my life that I was constantly feeding by giving all of me and not receiving much in return. Being an empath can be a hard-enough task in trying to navigate the feels and emotions of those around you on top of your own. Having an energy that is naturally soothing, calming and moorish means people are naturally drawn to you to seek comfort, solace and respite from the day to day dramas they find themselves facing. Throughout my life I have struggled to say no, always been there for those that need it even when I was struggling or not in the space to do so for fear of disappointing those I care about or hurting someone else’s feelings. But the first task in being able to help others is to ensure that you are taking care of yourself and ensuring your own needs are being met at the core level. You cannot help heal or offer advice and reason when you are stressed, run down or not coming from a place of calm peaceful energy.
The first way I did this was to declutter the relationships that were in my life. Taking stock of those who’s energy matched mine, that allowed me the space to be who I am with no judgement but also offered me the space needed to go through this process without demanding more and more of me with nothing in return. And this is the thing; we often gloss over the fundamental rule that relationships need to be give and take. You cannot constantly empty your cup to fill someone else’s without receiving in return or taking time out to replenish yourself.
The second and most crucial was to only concentrate on deep and meaningful connections. None of this superficial bullshit where we all pat each other on the backs for a job well done and talk about the weather. I want the real shit. The connections that allow each of us to grow and to talk about passions in life, things that made us who we are and that we were able to learn from each other. In one aspect this is hard to do because it means that people that you have had for in your life years, sometimes decades, fall away because you no longer give them the space and time you once did. But what replaces it is something so rewarding and so liberating that all else pales in comparison.
The third was to stop chasing. I stopped chasing people who were not making any effort to maintain a friendship or relationship and allowed the universe to guide those meant for me to be shown to me. Not going to lie this was (and still is) a fucking challenge because my natural instinct has always been to check up on people to reach out to make sure everyone is going well and things are peachy. If people want to be a part of your life they will show you through both words and actions, by taking a step back and setting your boundaries and placing the value on your time and energy you allow those who see that value and appreciate you to rise to the top. The rest don’t matter. We spend so much time focusing on those who don’t call us, those who don’t text or want to catch up that we end up missing the gold that we have in front of us. We focus too much on what it is we deem to be missing from our lives instead of relishing the wonder that surrounds us day to day.
Love yourself enough to see the value in who you are and what you can offer. Do not settle for bullshit connections and people who take you for granted or fail to show up time and time again. It can be hard to let go of people but nine times out ten you are only letting go of the fantasy you have built in your head of how things could be and you are not rooted in the reality of the now moment.
I’ve said it before – we are the authors of our own story and we have the ability to create the reality we desire. You just need to take the first steps in cultivating a space that allows you to honour yourself body, mind and soul.