Vulnerability is not a dirty word.
There are moments in life when we feel as though we are losing control. Moments where we are challenged with wanting to keep an open and clear mind and with wanting to run in with reckless abandon and allow our hearts to take over.
In these moments it can be difficult to assess what is the appropriate path to take and how best to navigate it. In the past I have been more inclined to take the ‘sensible’ approach, to stop and think about the pros and cons of a situation and assess what may happen and then take the safe route forgoing what my passion and my heart says. However more recently I have found myself with the urge to jump all the way in, to jump wholehearted into situations no matter what may be and allow myself the joy of the moment.
What I am finding is that the more I allow myself the opportunity to practice vulnerability the more I push through the blockages that are within myself which then propels me along my path of awakening. Pushing past comfort and allowing moments of fear, worry, apprehension to come to me but then working through them and working to understand what it is that is at the very core of these fears. To practice being vulnerable is a terrifying thing, it opens you up to rejection, judgement of self, judgment by others and the risk of being hurt. What I have found in my own experience is that for me this all centers around value of self, my self-worth and what I believe I deserve. Throughout the years I have tried to hide this lack of self-worth through relationships of all kinds that when I look back on now I can understand where only possible due to my not valuing myself enough. I allowed myself to maintain friendships and relationships that were not for my highest good and only perpetuated my feelings of being less than. However, with the awakening process I have been able to sit down and fully assess where and how this comes to be in me, that the choices I have made in the past in no way define me but they were a way in which I was able to navigate the way I thought I fit into the world.
The process of awakening is a brutal and often painful experience. You are forced to look deep inside and work through your fears and approach each moment from an open and loving place which can be fucking hard when you are still trying to understand what the hell is going on. But when you allow spirit to guide you, when you allow your higher self to come in and assist in your understanding of the why and not just the how, then you allow yourself the opportunity of getting a better understanding of not only yourself but of those around you. You start to see the reasons for your actions, the reason for others actions and learn that often the way a person acts in a situation is a reflection of themselves and not a reflection of you. If you approach each situation with a positive inclination, from a place of growth in that each interaction can be a teachable moment then there is no reason to fear the outcome.
Allowing vulnerability to be at the center of all you do is a process, it is not something that is able to be done without practice and like a beautiful garden it needs to be cultivated and maintained. But with love, patience and resilience you can come to a point where practicing vulnerability becomes the norm.
So, as I sit here writing this I come back to the reason I began this piece and in being at a point of deciding between head and heart, between shielding or vulnerability and I own the chance to practice vulnerability. I allow myself this moment to go into a situation openhearted and honest to my own wants and needs and to being happy with whatever comes to pass because ultimately this will be a chance to continue along my path to a wholehearted and connected life where I no longer fear vulnerability but I embrace her in all her glory and allow myself the gifts that she brings when I trust in her and in me.